


Love Has Come to Town

by Polomonkey



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexuality, Christmas, Ensemble Cast, F/F, Humor, Literary References & Allusions, M/M, Magic, New Years, Pining, Professors, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-17 11:06:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13075566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polomonkey/pseuds/Polomonkey
Summary: In which Arthur doesn't want to be with Merlin (except for the part where he does), Morgana's not afraid of committing to Gwen (except for the part where she is), and Elena can cope just fine with Mithian being over three thousand miles away (except for the part where she can't).It's a good thing Christmas is a time for miracles...





	Love Has Come to Town

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ingberry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ingberry/gifts).



> Happy holidays Ingberry! I was so utterly thrilled when I got you for my giftee as I think you're such a lovely and talented writer! I loved your prompts and tried to combine a few of them for this story, it may be a bit of a hot mess but I hope you enjoy <3
> 
> Thank you so much to the mods for running this wonderful fest! Also huge thank you to La_Temperanza, whose invaluable [A03 skin guide](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11549178/chapters/25935135) I've used to make the letters in this fic.

 

 

Dearest Mith,

Ahhh thank you so much for the care package! I loved the fluffy koala (I’ve named him Boris) and the biscuits went down an absolute treat. I had to hide them from Morgana in the end for her own good, you know what she’s like on a sugar high. I’m gonna get working on yours straight away, look out for it soon…

How’s it all going out there? I refuse to believe that a place without an internet connection can be worth inhabiting but I have to admit your description of the village was very cute. Take a picture of the donkey for me! Take a picture of everything actually, you can do a big slide show when you get home. Speaking of, arghhh March is so far away. Can’t you tell the plants to hurry up and flower already?

Not much going on here really. Ooh EXCEPT remember how I said I hadn’t seen Freya in a while? Well it turns out her and Gwen broke up… THREE MONTHS AGO. I hope you gasped at like I did because honestly, Gwen is a damn squirrel with a nut when she has a secret. She finally just said it all shy this week like, ‘oh I didn’t wanna put a damper on everyone’s summer’. Like ??? Too pure for this world, our Gwen. Anyway apparently it was super amicable which is good because I actually really liked having Freya around and that might not be off the table.

Of course, Morgana’s eyes basically popped out of her head when she heard but she’s deeper in denial than Arthur with those yellow shoes (he tried to wear them out again last week! Even Lance had to put his foot down). But she played dumb when I tried to get her to admit she was pleased, so I have formed A PLAN. The Elena Gawant matchmaking service is back in business and the first stop is the Morgana/Gwen station of loooove. I can imagine your face reading this right now but to you I say (a) have faith in my superior romance abilities and (b) you’re over 3000 miles away so you can’t stop me.

Other than that I miss you, I love you, my new class this term is full of incredibly precocious little first years and I wish you were here so I could bitch about them. Work hard and come home to me soon, love.

Yours,

Elena

P.S. Remember that nice new lecturer Merlin I told you about? We’ve been hanging out with him loads but for some reason the tension between him and Arthur is sky high! They either fancy each other or Arthur ran over Merlin’s dog. I’ll keep you updated…

 

 

“Face it Arthur, Nathaniel Hawthorne is the dullest man alive and The Scarlet Letter is a pompous joke.”

It was a beautiful August day, the sun was shining, and they had nothing better to do than enjoy the summer holiday while it lasted. So of course Morgana was needling him to within an inch of his life.

Arthur held up one finger in warning.

“I know you’re only trying to wind me up.”

His sister smiled beatifically.

“Is it working?”

“I can see a vein in his forehead twitching,” Lance said sagely from the other side of the table.

“Et tu, Lancelot?”

Lance shrugged.

“I’m well out of this one. Now if Morgana starts calling Chaucer boring…”

“I wouldn’t call him riveting, Lance,” Morgana said and Lance mimed a shot to the heart.

“Is Chaucer the one who did that story about someone kissing someone else’s arse?” Gwaine said, banging two fresh pints down on the table. “I liked that one.”

“What a fitting tribute to the man,” Arthur said drily.

“More interesting than anything Hawthorne ever wrote,” Morgana said, stealing a sip of Arthur’s gin and tonic. “Both rank misogynists though.”

“I thought Wife of Bath was meant to be feminist?” Gwen said.

“It’s kind of hard to pin down,” Lance put in. “We were discussing it in class last week and debate got quite fierce-”

“Wow, yes, literature, it’s all so great and we all have many smart opinions on it,” Gwaine said, plonking himself down next to Arthur.

“I think that’s Gwaine’s subtle way of asking for a conversation change,” Gwen said cheerfully.

“It’s not that I don’t love having a bunch of nerdy professors as friends-”

“Thanks for the promotion but literally none of us are professors, Gwaine-”

 “-but I’ve reached my limit on shop talk for one day.”

“Seconded,” Elena said, clanking her glass against Gwaine’s. “As the sole refugee from the politics department here I’m willing to put the kibosh on the lit talk.”

“I thank you for your support,” Gwaine said.

“Pick a topic then,” Morgana said.

“Choice of three,” Gwaine said expansively. “1. The Chelsea game last night. 2. My disastrous date with Kara the reptile lover. 3. The hot guy at the bar who’s been totally mad-dogging Arthur all night.”

“Chelsea,” said Morgana and Elena, at the exact same time Lance and Gwen said “Kara”, leaving only Arthur to splutter “What hot guy?”

“Dark hair, blue top, round glasses,” Gwaine rattled off, tone teasing. “Reading a book at the bar, which is the kind of sad thing one of you lot would do.”

Arthur sneaked a peek. He could only see a side profile but sure enough there was a man sat reading at the bar, with slightly messy hair curling round his ears.

“Just your type, Arthur. He’s even a little bit magical, if I’m not mistaken.”

Sure enough, the pages of his book did seem to be turning by themselves. It was no secret amongst his group of friends that Arthur had always found magic a bit of a turn on. And the man himself, with his sharp cheekbones and his slender frame was rather delectable. But…

“He’s not even looking over!”

“He was,” Gwaine said. “I naturally assumed he was checking me out – ‘cause I mean, who wouldn’t – but when I went to the bar he was still looking here.”

“He could be looking at one of the girls!” Arthur protested.

“He’s reading an Alan Hollinghurst book! Gay as you like.”

“Since when do you know who Alan Hollinghurst is?” Morgana said.

“Oh because I don’t teach in the hallowed halls of Camelot Uni, I clearly can’t pick up a book from time to time-”

“Elyan’s read Hollinghurst and he’s straight,” Gwen piped up.

“I hate to side with Gwaine and his clearly bullshit gaydar, but that dude did track you when you went to the toilet earlier, Arthur,” Elena said.

Arthur digested this, daring another glance over at the man. Unfortunately he chose that moment to look up from his book and their eyes locked for a second.

Arthur turned back around and took a huge gulp of his drink.

“You’re blushing!” Morgana said because she was an evil creature put on this earth to torment him.

“I am not!” Arthur hissed, sinking down in his seat.

“You are!”

“Leave him be, Morgs,” Gwen said sensibly, probably the only person in the world who could stop Morgana when she was off on one.

“Thank you, Guinevere,” Arthur said gratefully.

“Welcome. You are blushing, though.”

Arthur was surrounded by enemies and traitors. He slumped down in his seat a little further, sending pleading eyes to Lance for aid.

“Alright, enough about Mr Mad-dog at the bar,” Lance said. “I wanna know what happened with reptilian Kara.”

Lance had always been his favourite. Arthur gave him a grateful nod as Gwaine launched into his tale. And he studiously did not look over in the direction of the bar again.

It was only an hour later when everyone except Gwaine had called it a night and drifted home that he chanced another glance. Incredibly, the man was still there, sipping on what looked like a whiskey and nearing the end of his book.

Arthur imagined what it might be like to go over there and start a conversation with him. Ask him what he was reading, or comment on the lovely weather they’d been having. Something casual, something smooth, something to show his interest.

He couldn’t. The very idea made his palms grow damp. The fact was that while Arthur could command a lecture hall of 200 students with ease or defend his articles to the terrifying Professor Kilgharrah whilst barely breaking a sweat, the idea of chatting up a stranger made his heart pound out of his chest. Casual acquaintances thought of him as aloof or stand-offish; his reputation was of someone who had insanely high standards that few partners could live up to. It wasn’t the truth at all. Only those closest to him knew that the aloofness came from nerves; that his high standards were nothing more than a fear of letting people close. At the age of twenty nine, he’d pretty much made his peace with the fact that he was more comfortable in the cosy confines of academia than he was dealing with people in the real world.

Thank God he had good friends, who didn’t let him lock himself away with his books for too long. He was grateful to them all (even Morgana, no matter how much he complained about her) for dragging him out of himself on a regular basis. But romance? A committed relationship? That felt about as far away right now as tenured professorship.

“One more?” Gwaine said, interrupting his increasingly morose thoughts.

“I should probably go, it’s nearly midnight.”

“Oh no, and we all know you turn into a pumpkin then!”

“Wait so I’m not even Cinderella in that insult, I’m her carriage?”

“Exactly, mate. Too dull even to be a Disney princess.”

Arthur rolled his eyes.

“One more, but then I’m going.”

“I’ll make it worth your while,” Gwaine said, and Arthur really should have taken heed of the glint in his eye. As it was he was tipsy and distracted and didn’t notice Gwaine returned with another person in tow until it was too late.

“Arthur,” Gwaine said, shit eating grin on his face. “This fine gentleman had just finished his book as I was ordering. So I invited him for a pint with us.”

 _Oh God._ Arthur looked up into the unreasonably attractive face of the man from the bar and managed some sort of mangled smile.

“I’m Merlin,” the man said, sliding into the chair opposite Arthur and extending his hand.

“Arthur,” Arthur replied. “Which, er, you knew. Because Gwaine just said it. So-”

 _Why was he allowed to talk?_ Oddly enough this Merlin was smiling as though he’d said something very charming instead of completely blathering.

“Gwaine tells me you teach American Literature at Camelot? It’s funny because I’m-”

“Oh no,” Gwaine interrupted loudly, with a hugely exaggerated sigh. “I just remembered. I’ve got to go meet someone.”

Arthur sat up ramrod straight.

“No you don’t,” he hissed.

“Oh but I’m afraid I do,” Gwaine said gleefully, getting to his feet. “Duty calls. Or rather, booty call calls. Drink my pint for me, Arthur.”

“Gwaine-”

“Lovely to meet you Merlin, sorry to dash off! I’ll leave you in Arthur’s capable hands.”

And with a horrendously suggestive wink, he was gone.

Arthur stared down into his glass, praying somehow that when he looked up Merlin would have evaporated and he’d be saved from this humiliation.

“Your friend’s not subtle.”

Arthur barked out a laugh, still eyeing his beer.

“No, that he is not. You can go if you want.”

“And if I don’t want?”

Arthur did look up then. Merlin was half-smiling, his eyes focused on Arthur.

“I’ve been waiting for you to come talk to me all evening.”

Arthur’s eyebrows must have shot up slightly because Merlin laughed.

“I kept glancing over! But you were with all your friends and…”

He took a sip of his drink and Arthur noticed how lovely his hands were.

“I did see you,” Arthur began, mouth dry. “But…”

He wasn’t sure how to go on and for the first time a crack seemed to appear in Merlin’s composure.

“Oh. Oh. I read this wrong. I’m really sorry, your mate made it sound like-”

It was that little note of uncertainty in his voice that had Arthur moving at last, reaching across the table to touch Merlin’s hand.

“No, he- I… You read this right.”

Merlin’s hand was warm under his. Arthur squeezed it before he could chicken out.

“So-”

A bell suddenly clanged out from the direction of the bar.

“Last orders, please!”

“I guess we should finish up,” Arthur said, awkward again.

“Or we could get out of here,” Merlin said and for once in his life Arthur decided to stop overthinking and just say yes.

 

~~~~~

 

They barely made it through the door to Arthur’s flat before Merlin was on him, kissing at his face, his neck, tugging at the buttons on his shirt. He was having little luck but a second later his eyes flashed gold and two popped right off.

“Oops.”

Merlin laughed and the sound was enough to make Arthur want to drop to his knees right there and then.

“I liked that shirt,” Arthur murmured, and God, he almost sounded smooth. Either that last shot of whiskey they’d had on the way out was working, or he’d finally managed to get out of his own way. Merlin seemed appreciative, offering another giggle before leaning to press another kiss to Arthur’s neck.

“I’ll sew them back on,” he said, between kisses. “I’ll buy you a new one. I’ll buy you ten, just- _fuck_.”

Arthur had worked his hand down to Merlin’s crotch, palming the warmth there until it hardened under his touch. Merlin keened a little, dropping his head to Arthur’s shoulder.

“Mmm, feels so-”

Giddy with arousal and suddenly impulsive, Arthur hoisted Merlin up into the air. Merlin squawked but his legs came up to wrap around Arthur’s waist like they belonged there.

“Caveman,” he said, and kissed Arthur deeply. Arthur carried him through to his bedroom, laying him down on the bed with a thump before climbing on top of him. Merlin reached up to pull at the remaining buttons on Arthur’s shirt and Arthur assisted, ripping the rest away and throwing it down on the floor.

Merlin made an appreciative noise at the sight of Arthur’s bare chest and Arthur decided it was time he returned the favour. He drew Merlin’s t-shirt off and found plenty to admire underneath; smooth skin and lightly muscled arms, as well as temptingly pink nipples. He rubbed a little at Merlin’s left and was rewarded with a gasp; encouraged, Arthur dipped his head to bite one gently. Merlin bucked up beneath him with a little moan and the sound went straight to Arthur’s cock. He laved Merlin’s nipples with his tongue a moment as his hand drifted down to Merlin’s jeans, tugging at the zipper.

“Here, let me-”

Merlin shimmied out of his jeans and boxers in one quick motion, hips wiggling, and then he was completely naked. Arthur just stared for a moment, taking in the sharp v of his hipbones, the trail of dark hair on his stomach, the perfect cock straining up towards Arthur.

“What?” Merlin said, and Arthur heard the tiniest hint of self-consciousness in his voice.

“You’re gorgeous,” Arthur said, and couldn’t even be embarrassed because it was true and he wanted to be honest tonight, not aloof, not stand offish, not what they always thought he was. Merlin was beautiful, and he was here and he wanted Arthur and-

Merlin pulled him into a kiss and Arthur lost himself for a second, able to feel nothing more than the press of Merlin’s lips and the hands tugging gently at his hair.

He pulled back after a few moments, bracketing himself on his arms above Merlin, looking down into his eyes.

“You’re overdressed,” Merlin said softly, and his hand came down to fiddle with Arthur’s zip. Arthur obliged by sitting up to strip his trousers and throw them to the side, leaving his briefs on. He ground his clothed cock down against Merlin’s bare one and they both groaned. Arthur captured Merlin’s lips again as he rutted down, loving the friction of their movement, the way it send hot spasms of pleasure through him.

He half debated getting off with Merlin just like this, but there was something about the temptation of that beautiful cock that he couldn’t resist. He moved his lips to Merlin’s throat, mouthing at the smooth skin there, sucking marks into the pale flesh. He kissed those delicate collarbones, those perfect sensitive nipples, before trailing down to the taut stomach and straining cock below.

It was only when he started to kiss and suckle at the tip that Merlin sat up a little.

“We should… a condom…”

Arthur nodded and then stopped short.

“I don’t have one,” he said, dismayed. This kind of situation didn’t happen often enough for Arthur to stock up.

“Shit, me neither,” Merlin said. “I guess we shouldn’t…”

_Yes, of course, they had to be safe, they had to be-_

“Unless…” Arthur said, before he could stop himself. “There’s that spell…”

He’d never done this with a partner before but magical protection was old as the hills, though it was a tricky charm to master. Merlin caught his drift and he licked his lips.

“I can cast it,” he said softly. “If… if it’s not weird to trust a stranger.”

It was weird. And reckless and foolish and a hundred other words beside but it was a night for being reckless so Arthur just nodded.

Merlin muttered a couple of words under his breath and for a second his cock seemed to glow. Arthur had to stifle a giggle; he’d seen videos before in Sex Ed class but it was much odder in real life. But Merlin was giggling too, hand pressed to his mouth.

“I know it looks ridiculous, but that should have worked if-”

Arthur didn’t hesitate before taking Merlin’s cock back into his mouth.

“God-” Merlin choked out, falling backwards. Arthur laved his tongue around the tip and then took it in a little further, enjoying the way Merlin’s fist clenched the bedsheets below. He loved this, loved the weight of a cock in his mouth, loved the feeling of fullness, loved watching someone fall apart because of him. It made him feel seen, feel important. Feel _desired_.

He licked one long stripe along the underside of Merlin’s cock, tasting the heady mix of salt and sweat, before sucking him down deeper. Merlin cried out a little and Arthur hummed around his cock before opening his mouth a bit wider. He’d always been good at suppressing his gag reflex and he’d never been more grateful for that than he was now.

Merlin’s hand had come down to fist his hair, tight but not painful. It felt grounding; it kept Arthur in the moment and reminded him to breathe as he inched down Merlin’s cock. He was close enough to appreciate the way the trail of hair on Merlin’s stomach spread out into a dark thatch; Arthur suddenly wanted to bury his nose in it, to inhale Merlin’s scent and take even more of him in.

Merlin suddenly tugged sharply on Arthur’s hair in warning.

“‘M gonna-”

Regretfully, Arthur pulled off with a soft pop; he wasn’t feeling quite reckless enough for that. He took Merlin’s cock in hand and began to pump it, aided by the slide of his own spit, and it was mere seconds later that Merlin’s body tensed beneath him.

“ _Fu-u-ck_ ,” Merlin slurred out and came all over Arthur’s hand, a shudder passing through his body before he slumped back against the mattress. Arthur was already moving back up to his mouth, swallowing the little post-climax whimpers Merlin was making, seemingly involuntarily. Then he nuzzled into Merlin’s neck, content to rest for a moment, cock still hard but the edge of his arousal sated.

It was only a minute before Merlin roused himself, somewhat guiltily.

“I didn’t- let me-”

Arthur pushed him back down on the mattress and quelled him with a kiss.

“Stay still,” he murmured and began to rut against Merlin’s side, cock still enclosed in his briefs. Merlin let out a noise of approval and reached around to squeeze at Arthur’s arse, pulling him in closer. His chest was flushed and his forehead was damp with exertion, and Arthur had never seen anything hotter in his life. He jerked his hips forward, staring at Merlin’s perfect, beautiful face in profile, the soft curl of his hair around his ears.

Merlin snuck one hand into the back of Arthur’s briefs and Arthur gasped, increasing the speed of his thrusts. When he felt Merlin’s finger brush up against his cleft, before pressing in ever so slightly, Arthur lost all semblance of control. He rutted frantically against Merlin, giving himself over to pleasure as Merlin expertly teased his rim.

He came with a bitten off cry, burying his face into Merlin’s shoulder and panting out his release. Merlin snaked one arm around him, pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered and Arthur was overcome.

 

~~~~~

 

Of course in the morning, everything was different.

Arthur woke first, and instantly froze. He was used to being sprawled out across his double bed but now there was an arm slung across his chest and hair tickling his nose. He leaned back and the person beside him came into bleary focus.

_Merlin._

For a moment Arthur felt a flicker of hazy contentment, enjoying the warmth of another body pressed in close to his.

Then the anxiety set in.

Arthur didn’t do this. There was a reason he didn’t do this. He didn’t even know this man and now he was here in Arthur’s flat, in Arthur’s bed, and it was all too close and intimate and- 

He got up abruptly and Merlin stirred at the movement. Arthur managed to reach for his discarded briefs and pull them on just as Merlin’s eyes opened.

He blinked several times, then focused his gaze on Arthur. A sweet smile crossed his face and Arthur couldn’t help but return it.

“Hey.”

Merlin’s voice was thick with sleep; he stretched out his arms and yawned, seemingly unselfconscious about his nakedness.

“Hi,” Arthur said, trying not to let his eyes track down Merlin’s body. There was already a part of him that wanted to jump back into bed for round two, but the larger part of him felt awkward and foolish, stood there in the same pants he came in just hours before.

“Don’t I get a good morning kiss?” Merlin said, easy flirtation in his tone.

“I…”

Arthur didn’t know what to do with his hands. It all seemed so simple last night with the alcohol in his system but now he could no sooner walk over to that bed and kiss Merlin than he could fly to the moon.

“I… I was gonna make tea.”

“Oh,” Merlin said, “oh right. Yes, lovely.” He pulled the sheet up to his hips as he spoke and Arthur felt horrible. Why was this so difficult?

“Milk? Sugar?” he offered, trying to soften his brusqueness.

“Yes to milk, no to sugar. I’m sweet enough,” Merlin said, with a quick wink.

It was opening to say something flirty back, to lighten the mood a little, but Arthur just nodded and fled the room.

He took his time with the tea, trying to get his breathing under control, to wipe the sweat off his palms. There was nothing to be nervous about, Merlin was a perfectly nice man, and Arthur hadn’t made too much of a fool of himself…

Except. Last night. He’d been so quick to suggest Merlin’s protection spell. Did Merlin think he was easy? That he did this all the time?

Then there was that whole rutting against Merlin’s hip. Did people even do that? Had Merlin been totally embarrassed and Arthur hadn’t even noticed?

Leaning his forehead against the fridge, Arthur tried to calm his nerves. It was just a one night stand, he never had to see Merlin again if he didn’t want to.

_Did he want to?_

Arthur didn’t know. But he couldn’t hide in the kitchen forever, no matter how much he wanted to.

When Arthur pushed open the door Merlin was half hanging off the bed, intently peering at Arthur’s bookcase. He had one hand outstretched, Native Son hovering in the air next to him.

Arthur coughed and Merlin jumped back guiltily, then laughed as the book thumped to the floor.

“Sorry! Just being nosy.”

“It’s fine,” Arthur said, meaning it. The first thing he tended to do in other people’s houses was gravitate to their bookshelves.

“You’ve got some great stuff here,” Merlin said admiringly, magicking Native Son back onto the shelf. “I loved A Visit From the Goon Squad. And I just started Americanah last week.”

He threw Arthur a cheeky grin.

“Course, you’ve got some absolute crap too.”

“Excuse me?” Arthur said.

“James Fenimore Cooper? Norman Mailer?” Merlin wrinkled his nose. “And that hack Thoreau!”

“What exactly is wrong with Thoreau?” Arthur said, affronted. Walden was a seminal text, he’d been teaching it on his intro course for the past two years. Never mind the fact that it was a personal favourite of his own.

“Blah blah blah we all have to be self-sufficient and self-reliant, even though I’m living on my mate Emerson’s land for free,” Merlin said. “I swear Arthur, that book is the best cure for insomnia ever sold.”

The mischief in Merlin’s eye told Arthur he wasn’t serious. That he was only teasing, that he was waiting for Arthur to rejoinder in turn, to defend his bookshelf’s honour. But Arthur’s previous embarrassment was mixing with irritation, and anxiety underlying it all. He felt surrounded again, suffocated. Someone in his space, looking at his things, judging him. It made him bristle all over.

“Clearly you know nothing about literature,” he said sharply and Merlin looked taken aback.

“I know plenty about literature actually,” he said, straightening up in the bed. “Probably more than you.”

“More than me, the literature teacher?” Arthur said, and God, he sounded so sneering.

Merlin’s lips thinned.

“I happen to lecture in literature, myself. Which is how I know that half of your bookshelf is overrated rubbish.”

“Oh really?” Arthur said, riled. “And what Godforsaken uni has the misfortune of employing you?”

“Yours!” Merlin shot back, rising from the bed and grabbing at his clothes. “Perhaps because they wanted someone who actually knew what he was talking about!”

“You’re… you’re teaching at Camelot?” Arthur said, stomach dropping. “You should have said-”

“I should have done a lot of things differently,” Merlin snapped as he reached for his t-shirt and Arthur realised this was his last chance to back down, to de-escalate the situation before it all got out of hand. But he was too shocked by Merlin’s revelation. They were going to be colleagues! They’d have to see each other every day! So much for a no strings attached one night stand – this was pretty much Arthur’s worst nightmare.

“Maybe you should have,” he said before he could stop himself and Merlin’s eyes narrowed.

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll make sure to have as little to do with you as possible you… you…”

Merlin pulled his jeans up with such ferocity that Arthur was almost worried for his privates.

“You monumental prat!” Merlin finally shouted and then marched out of the room without a backwards glance.

Arthur took a deep shaky breath. The front door slammed seconds later and he flinched.

It took a minute for him to walk back to the kitchen, and pour the tea down the sink. Then he went back into his room and changed the sheets on the bed.

It could never have worked. They were two different people, meant only to come together for one night. Arthur told himself that everything had happened for the best. And as for the new term at Camelot…

Arthur would have to cross that bridge when he came to it. He grabbed Pride and Prejudice off the shelf, his favourite comfort read, and slid back into bed with it, waiting for it to work its magic.

But impossible as it seemed, the sheets still smelled of Merlin.

 

 

 

[ ](https://imgur.com/Y0ochRY)

 

 

 

Dearest Ellie,

I’ve actually gotten used to the lack of internet! Honestly, life without Twitter is much less stressful, although I miss Lance’s incredibly earnest tweets about birds he’s seen on his commute.

Also, you are so busted! Arthur wrote and said that you and he watched the new series of Skam without me! What happened to waiting and watching it together? We’re watching the whole thing again when I get home and you better pretend to be surprised at every plot twist, you traitor. (Speaking of Arthur, he didn’t mention Merlin once in his letter, which is suspicious in itself because he basically covered everything else that’s happened since his last note in great detail, including his heartbreak about the yellow shoes incident).

Anyway, that sound you can hear from Russia is me grinding my teeth because your matchmaking service is a RECIPE FOR DISASTER and I don’t think I need to remind you of the whole Mordred/Cenred debacle. (Did Mordred ever get a new hamster or is he still in mourning?) Having said that, I heartily approve of a Morgana/Gwen relationship. I just think it’s better and less dangerous for people’s household pets when they come to that realisation without your help.

Short letter this time because we’re germinating today but I’ll write properly at the weekend. I enclose a Polaroid of the donkey, and I hope you appreciate me taking that because the woman who owns it thought I was completely mad.

I wish I was there with you too, or you were here to keep me warm (it’s probably still alright in England but it’s as freezing as the depths of winter here). March isn’t too long away, hug Boris until then and pretend it’s me…

Love always,

Mithian xxx

 

 

Morgana woke up to a strange pleasurable feeling in her stomach. For a moment she couldn’t pinpoint what it was, then she remembered what Elena had told her yesterday and she felt a smile cross her face.

Gwen was single. Single and ready to mingle. And Morgana was going to make her move.

She’d known Gwen since undergrad and in that time her friend had never been on the market. She’d dated Sophia throughout uni and then moved almost straight onto Vivian when they broke up. There’d been a longer gap between Vivian and Freya but Morgana had been away on a summer study and completely missed her chance. And to be honest, she’d thought that window might have closed for good when she’d seen how happy Gwen and Freya were together.

And yet… they’d split up. Amicably, it seemed, a mutual decision based on diverging life paths. Which was good, because Morgana loved Gwen enough not to want her broken-hearted. But Elena had assured her that Gwen didn’t seem to be pining in any way. Supposedly Gwen had said she’d seen the end coming for a while.

In any case, Gwen had been secretly single for three months now and anyone could have snapped her up. Morgana wasn’t about to miss out again. She was asking Gwen out today.

Oddly, she wasn’t worried about being rejected. She couldn’t say for sure that Gwen would agree, but that was less of a concern than not even trying was. The ball would be in Gwen’s court but at least Morgana would never have to look back and regret not putting herself out there.

Of course, faced with Gwen in Costa Coffee later that day, some of her bravery had deserted her. It really would be awkward if Gwen said no. They had to work together every day after all…

But then Gwen laughed at some joke Morgana made, tossing her head back so the light shone through her dark curls, and Morgana was almost struck dumb with how beautiful she was.

“Let’s go for dinner,” she blurted out.

“But it’s only 2.30?”

“Not now,” Morgana said. “Later. Like, off campus.”

“Sure! Should I tell the boys?”

 _Bloody hell._ Clearly Morgana was being too subtle.

“I was thinking this could just be you and me. Like… a date?”

There. She’d said it. It was out there now.

Gwen looked confused a second and then her eyes widened.

“You want… with me…”

“I know you haven’t been broken up with Freya long,” Morgana said quickly. “And maybe it’s too soon, or maybe you don’t see me that way, or… But I wanted to ask.”

Gwen bit her lip and then a slow smile spread across her face.

“I didn’t think you liked me like that.”

“Well I do,” Morgana said, leaning in, because surely that smile had to be good news?

“Erm. This is genuinely unexpected,” Gwen said, still grinning.

“So do you-”

“Oh! Yeah, sorry! Of course I do!”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Gwen said, practically beaming at her. “I’d really love to.”

Morgana spent the rest of the day floating on air. She jumped in the shower the second she got home, emerging an hour later feeling fully coiffed and polished and ready for the night ahead.

“Wow, you look good!” Elena said when she sashayed into the living room. “Hot date?”

“Maybe.”

“Trying to make Gwen jealous?”

“I think we might be past all that,” Morgana said with a little smirk.

“Oh, right, you’re still pretending you don’t like her,” Elena said, rolling her eyes. “Honestly Morgana, I can read you like a book. Nothing gets past me.”

“I think something might have got past you, babe.”

“What?”

“My hot date tonight is none other than Dr. Gwen Addison herself.”

Elena literally squealed.

“Oh my God, you did it!”

She jumped off the coach and tackled Morgana with a hug – though it was more tackle than expected and they both fell to the floor.

“Mind my dress,” Morgana squawked and Elena rolled off her.

“Sorry!” she said merrily. “I’m just so excited! I’ve been shipping this for like, years.”

She sat up and helped Morgana straighten her dress. Well, helped was too strong a word. Morgana ended up batting her hands away and muttering a quick spell to get the creases out.

“So where you going?”

“Rico’s. I figured tapas is a safe first date food.”

“Very wise. Less messy sauces to spill or leaves to get stuck in your teeth.”

“Exactly.”

Morgana stood up and did a little twirl.

“Do I look passable?”

“If I wasn’t practically married, I’d jump you myself. Gwen won’t know what’s hit her.”

“Alright. Don’t wait up!”

“Text me if you’re not coming home, you dirty stop out!” Elena yelled after her.

Would she be coming home? Morgana didn’t know. Gwen did have a flat all to herself, after all. So, providing the date went well…

And go well it did. Almost unbelievably well. Morgana hadn’t expected them to run out of things to talk about, they had been friends for years after all, but the transition between friendship and dating seemed to be much smoother than she could ever have hoped for. It was just like hanging out with Gwen normally was, except now she could reach over and tuck a stray strand of Gwen’s hair behind her ear, or touch their knees together under the table, or say something undeniably flirty that made Gwen duck her head with a pleased blush.

By the time they left the restaurant, Morgana was confident enough to slip her hand into Gwen’s.

“Your place or mine?” she asked and Gwen laughed.

“What a line.”

“Got plenty more when that came from.”

“Get your coat, you’ve pulled?”

“You must be a keyboard, cos you’re just my type,” Morgana said with a wink.

“Is that a mirror in your pocket? ‘Cause I can see myself in your pants,” Gwen said straight faced, and Morgana burst out laughing.

“That settles it. We’re going to yours.”

It was starting to rain so they called an Uber and sat pressed up close to each other in the back like school kids, all nervous energy and daring little touches. Morgana felt excitement fizz in her stomach like she was fifteen again, every emotion heightened.

When they got out the car, Gwen led her by the hand to her flat. Morgana had been before, plenty of times, but never with this kind of expectation before.

They both stood awkwardly in the entrance hall for a second. Gwen kicked her shoes off and Morgana did the same.

“Um… living room?” Gwen said and Morgana nodded, following her through. They sat side by side on the couch and Gwen flicked the corner lamp on.

“Hey, is that a new painting-” Morgana started to say but she was cut off by a pair of lips meeting hers.

After so many years of imagining, Morgana had worried the real thing could never live up to her fantasies. But kissing Gwen was so much better than she could have dreamed. She smelt like coconut and tasted like the cheesecake they’d shared for pudding and her lips were more soft and warm than any Morgana had ever kissed.

She brought one hand up to run through Gwen’s hair and then Gwen’s hand was sneaking round her waist, pulling her closer. Morgana deepened the kiss and she heard Gwen’s breathing catch. It was all the encouragement she needed to push Gwen onto her back on the couch, to climb on top of her and let their bodies press together as they kissed.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this,” Morgana said between kisses. Gwen was looking gorgeously dishevelled below her, hair wild and lipstick just beginning to smudge.

“I hope it’s worth it,” Gwen said and Morgana smiled.

“So worth it.”

She dipped down to kiss Gwen’s neck, then brought one hand up to her breast, stroking until she could feel Gwen’s nipple harden through her thin lace bra.

“Is this okay?” she murmured.

“This and more,” Gwen breathed. “I want to feel your tongue inside me.”

Morgana froze. It was like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over her. Because of course intellectually she knew everything there was to know about queer sex and she’d been openly bi since she was fourteen and Gwen had been starring in her sexual fantasies for the last five years and yet…

She’d never actually had sex with a woman before. And she had no idea what to do.

She knew the logistics, but that suddenly felt like very little information in the face of a real live woman. What if she wasn’t good? What if she turned Gwen off? What if Gwen didn’t want to be with someone who was technically a virgin when it came to this kind of stuff?

Gwen must have felt her go rigid because she drew back.

“Morgana? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just… felt a bit sick suddenly.”

“Oh no,” Gwen said, sitting up. “Do you want some water?”

“Er… yeah, actually.”

“Be right back,” Gwen said and squeezed her thigh before leaving the room.

Morgana took a deep breath, and then another. How far did Gwen want to go tonight? Morgana had imagined herself working up to all this and suddenly it seemed to be galloping towards her.

She could admit to herself that perhaps she’d let those around her believe she had more experience than she did. She’d never lied outright but she knew that most assumed she had dated women before. In particular she’d always tried to give that impression in front of Gwen, in case it made her seem more desirable.

Her chickens were coming home to roost now and Morgana was panicking. Gwen would surely know if they took this to the bedroom, Morgana was too nervous now to convincingly lie. The thought of being humiliated like that turned her stomach.

“Here you go,” Gwen said, coming back into the room.

Morgana grabbed the water and drank a huge gulp.

“Easy,” Gwen said concernedly. “Are you feeling worse?”

“I… Yes,” Morgana said, because it was the only way out of this she could see. “I’m so sorry, I think it might be something I ate…”

“Oh, don’t be sorry,” Gwen said, petting her hair. “Do you want to lie down here for a bit?”

“Actually, I think I need to go home,” Morgana said and Gwen nodded.

“Of course, I’ll get you an Uber.”

She was being so kind and Morgana felt so guilty but she needed to get out of here. Needed some time to calm down and think.

Gwen saw her off with a kiss and it was just as soft and sweet as the one before, and it made Morgana want to cry. She did a little, once inside the taxi, pressing her hand to her face and wondering how it had all gone so wrong.

“Rough night?” the Uber driver said and Morgana couldn’t trust herself to speak. She just nodded and leant her head against the window, watching the rain come down.

 

 

 

[ ](https://imgur.com/ysjP24g)

 

 

 

Dearest Mith,

Sorry for delayed reply, Annis has been ill all week so I’ve been covering her classes. Soft and Hard Power and her Cold War modules were fine but I barely knew more than the students in Intro to Venezuelan Politics! I crammed so much this week that Hugo Chavez has been popping up in my dreams…

Also HA, you were wrong! My matchmaking service is running like a dream because Morgana and Gwen are totally dating! Well, they’ve only been out once but I foresee many happy outings to come. And it’s all down to meee! Okay, in fairness, Morgana kind of surprised me by taking the bull by the horns this time, but I’m pretty sure my low level constant encouragement helped. (Also I checked and Mordred’s bought another hamster and he’s even dropped the charges against Cenred, so all’s well that ends well).

Merlin continues to be super nice and endearing, and also crazy weird around Arthur. I thought I detected a bit of a thaw between them last week but we’ll see. If it is sexual tension, then it’s of the weirdest variety and I have to throw my hands up yet again and say that men are a mystery to me.

That donkey is so cute!! I feel even guiltier about Skam now, although Arthur is to blame for being a big fat blabbermouth on that one. He was being all mopey and I couldn’t think of anything else to cheer him up. Anyway it was GREAT so I will def watch it again with you when you get home. Which is not for another five months. Not that I’m counting or anything.

Lots and lots and lots of love,

Elena

P.S. Latest Twitter update from Lance is that he saw a hawfinch, whatever that is, and has been in constant excited communication with various bird nerd accounts ever since. Bless.

PP.S. Arthur just sent me another mopey text. Mind if I watch The Handmaid’s Tale with him?

 

 

The first day of term, an email went round asking the department to assemble in the staff kitchen to welcome the newest lecturer in modern American literature.

Despite the fact he’d been awaiting this day, Arthur wasn’t ready at all. He’d wanted to reach out to Merlin so many times since that fateful morning, but he hadn’t known what to say. And now Merlin was standing in the doorway, looking unfairly handsome in a fitted shirt and a light green sweater vest, glasses perched on top of his head. As Arthur’s colleagues stood to greet him, Arthur hung back, unsure of how to proceed. Did they pretend not to know each other?

“Faculty, meet Merlin Emrys,” Kilgharrah said in his usual blunt way. “He’s just joined us from a position at Avalon.”

Merlin gave the room a wave. He made no sign of recognition on seeing Arthur, and Arthur decided to take his cue from that.

“Mr Emry’s background is in…”

Kilgharrah trailed off and gestured impatiently.

“Oh! Yes,” Merlin said, snapping to attention. “My background is in American Studies and I’m working on a PhD in the politics of metafiction. I’m really excited to be here, this department has a fantastic reputation for-”

“Yes, well,” Kilgharrah cut in. “I have office hours. Make him feel welcome, please.”

The latter felt more like an order than a request. Merlin seemed unruffled by the professor’s rudeness, breaking into a dimply smile as he swept from the room.

“It’d be a brave student who comes to his office hours,” he said and Lance laughed.

“Occasionally they go in, but they never come out…”

“I heard the Camelot rumours but I always thought it was idle gossip,” Merlin said pleasantly.

“If you’re nice to us, we’ll eat you last,” Gwen said, offering her hand. “I’m Gwen. I’m in the English department and my research is mainly around postcolonial life narratives.”

“Gwen Addison? Oh yes, I read your paper on Sherman Alexie!” Merlin enthused. “It was brilliant, I used it as a set reading last term.”

“Wow, thank you,” Gwen said, blushing slightly. “I hope they didn’t hate it.”

“Not at all, they were as impressed as I was,” Merlin said smoothly and Gwen smiled wide at him. Morgana seemed to clock Gwen’s enthusiasm with approval, stepping forward to proffer her own hand.

“Morgana, Queer Culture and Literature,” she said. “I specialise in post-war lesbian fiction. And poetry. And drama. And anything else lesbian, to be honest.”

“Great to meet you,” Merlin said, shaking her hand.

“And I’m Lance, I tend to be confined to the Old English department but they let me out on occasion.”

“Ah so you’re the man to turn to in a Beowulf emergency?” Merlin asked.

“Yes and you’d be surprised how often they come up.”

Gwen looked meaningfully at Arthur while Lance and Merlin laughed, and he realised he was the only one who hadn’t stepped forward.

“Hi. I’m – Arthur. I teach classic American lit- er, I mean early rather than classic, you know, not to say it all isn’t classic lit – certainly I’ve nothing against the modern stuff-”

Six pairs of eyes were looking at him with great confusion and then there was Merlin, stood there with his face completely blank.

“Arthur’s just got his doctorate,” Gwen said, coming to his rescue. “He mainly teaches American literature so I imagine you two will have a bit of overlap.”

“Right,” Merlin said politely. “Look forward to working with you.”

“Likewise,” Arthur said. They hadn’t met each other’s eyes once.

After a few more minutes of chit chat, Merlin excused himself for a meeting. Only seconds after he left the room, Morgana whirled round, eyes gleaming.

“Am I insane or is he the hot book guy from the pub?”

Arthur tensed. He’d known this was coming, that’s why he’d called Gwaine the day after the pub and begged him not to tell the others about the introduction to Merlin. He’d promised to fill Gwaine in fully the next time he saw him, but he wasn’t entirely convinced Gwaine wouldn’t have let something slip in the meantime…

“Good thing you never went over to him,” Lance said, slapping Arthur on the back. “Can you imagine how awkward it’d be now?”

Arthur breathed a sigh of relief. Seemed like Gwaine had kept his word.

“Yeah,” he said weakly. “Good thing.”

“Shame,” Morgana said wistfully. “He is very pretty. But ugh, imagine getting involved with someone you work that closely with. Total nightmare.”

“Nightmare,” Arthur echoed, his heart sinking. Morgana had no idea how right she was.

 

The best Arthur could hope for was that he and Merlin would spend as little time together as possible. Meetings and certain social events couldn’t be avoided, and he’d always discussed his syllabus with the previous Modern American Lit teacher to make sure there was no overlap so that had to be on the agenda. It turned out to be a particularly excruciating meeting – both of them alone in Arthur’s tiny office, stiltedly naming authors and books with their very recent argument over the exact same thing fresh in Arthur’s mind. But other than the necessary, he’d planned to be as much of a ship passing in the night to Merlin as he could be.

His friends ruined that, of course. They took to Merlin instantly. Gwen and he were constantly having these long involved conversations about the origins of postmodernism. Merlin had come to Morgana for lesbian lit recommendations, which had endeared him to her no end. Elena, despite being in the politics department, had popped up on enough lunch breaks to engage Merlin in lively debate about the woes of Brexit. And Lance… well, Lance basically liked everybody.

The truth was, Arthur had to acknowledge, that Merlin was pretty likeable. If they had met for the first time at Camelot, Arthur was sure they’d be friends by now. But there was no overcoming the start they’d had. They’d at least managed to reach a stage of strained politeness now, carefully greeting each other in the corridors or seconding each other ideas at meetings. From the outside, it would be difficult to tell that anything was wrong. But Arthur felt keenly the distance between them, the odd ache of an aborted intimacy, of a burgeoning closeness cut short.

Very occasionally, Merlin would meet Arthur’s gaze, and Arthur’s chest would twinge imperceptibly. He thought almost every day about how things could have gone differently. If he hadn’t picked that fight, if he hadn’t let Merlin leave that morning. If he hadn’t been too afraid to ask for what he wanted.

Because he did still want Merlin. Still traced the lines of his face when no one was watching, caught up in the blue of his eyes. Still watched the way he moved, the way he laughed or gestured or ran his fingers through his hair. And perhaps he could have handled just plain old physical attraction, but Merlin was funny too, and clever, and kind. It made Arthur hurt, being around him and knowing that he’d missed his chance for good.

As the weeks went by, Merlin seemed to adjust a little. His manners became less cautious, his conversation openers less tame. It seemed he was willing to put the past behind them, to let bygones be bygones and start afresh as colleagues.

In some ways, that felt even worse. Arthur didn’t want to be just colleagues with Merlin. And he didn’t want to pretend nothing had ever happened between them. But he had to respect Merlin’s choice. There was no point making life harder for both of them if Merlin had decided to move on.

It was a good thing none of his friends knew the truth. Except, of course, for Gwaine – who could only be put off for so long before he actually turned up at Arthur’s flat one evening; a takeaway in one hand and a determined look on his face.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he said as Arthur reluctantly let him in.

“I’ve been busy at work.”

“Mate, I’m busy at work. I had to fit a whole en-suite _by myself_ this week because the house-owner was coming back from holiday early. All you do is potter around in your office and occasionally chat to some spotty teens about books.”

“Your respect for my profession is astonishing.”

“Yeah, yeah, pass us some plates. And get us a beer, would you?”

Arthur turned the football on in a desperate attempt to distract Gwaine, but his friend had barely cleared his plate before turning to Arthur with a smirk.

“So what’s this I hear about that hot guy from the bar coming to work in your department?”

“Who told you that?”

“Elena.”

“And did you tell her-”

“That you two were already ‘acquainted’? No.”

Arthur breathed a sigh of relief.

“Good. Thank you.”

“‘Course, I might tell her unless you spill the beans to me right now.”

“Gwaine-”

“Arthur,” Gwaine mimicked. “Come on, mate. Elena says you’ve been moping around no end the last few weeks and I reckon it’s something to do with this Merlin bloke.”

He deftly uncapped another beer and passed it over to Arthur.

“So talk to me.”

“You’re very annoying, you know that,” Arthur said, because he knew when he was beaten.

“Most people call me charming,” Gwaine said, tossing his hair. “Now, start from the beginning…”

Arthur ended up telling an edited but mostly truthful version of events. He left out his anxiety freak-out on waking up and skipped straight to the argument, but the knowing look Gwaine gave him suggested his friend might have filled in the blanks for himself. And he didn’t bother to deny that being with Merlin was something he still wanted.

“But I blew it,” he finished. “So that’s that.”

“Mate, that is so not that! Why don’t you just talk to him, for a start?”

“And say what?”

“Apologise! Tell him sometimes you get a stick up your arse but you didn’t mean to offend him and you’d love a second chance.”

Arthur exhaled heavily.

“It won’t work, Gwaine. He’s moved on.”

“Arthur, I saw him that night in the pub. He practically kissed me when I offered to introduce the two of you. He was so gone on you.”

“Yeah and then he got to know me,” Arthur said bitterly.

“Oh he didn’t get to know you, he got an accidental glimpse of uptight Feelings-Are-Bad-Robo-Arthur. That’s not you, mate, and you should explain that to him.”

“I missed my chance.”

“No, _I_ missed my chance when that Chelsea scout came to school and I was too busy skiving off P.E. to play for him. Imagine the Premier League footballer I could have been, Arthur! You, on the other hand, were a bit of a dick to a guy you liked; which is nothing that can’t be undone with a heartfelt apology.”

“Maybe,” Arthur said, though he didn’t believe he’d ever have a shot with Merlin again. But it might be worth apologising anyway. He’d slotted right into their group of friends and if Arthur didn’t want social gatherings to be awkward from now until kingdom come, it wouldn’t be the worst idea to clear the air.

“Maybe, schmaybe. I wanna hear you’ve done it by the end of the month. Now pass us those Pringles.”

The end of the month. Arthur resolved to give it a go.

 

 

 

[ ](https://imgur.com/B6UZMqD)

 

 

 

Dearest Elena,

First Skam and now Handmaid’s Tale! I am appalled! This level of disloyalty is highly concerning. If I find out you’re planning on seeing the new Star Wars without me too…

Having said that, it sounds like Arthur could use a bit of consoling at the moment, poor dear. Morgana wrote and told me about Mordred flirting with Merlin at the away day, and how upset Arthur was. If he likes Merlin that much, why has he never just asked him out?? I’d write to him and interrogate him myself, only I think I’m a bit far away to be poking my nose in his love life. So I’m leaving it with you, because I don’t like to think of Arthur being sad when I can’t tickle him to cheer him up.

Yay for Morgana and Gwen! Except, have you checked in on them lately? Because I asked Morgana to fill me in on the date and she wrote back saying ‘it was fine’ and basically nothing else. I know our Morgs isn’t super emotionally articulate but I expected a little bit more than that. I’m hoping she’s just having so much fun with Gwen she doesn’t have time to write to me about it…

I finally decided to type up all my notes this weekend and it’s taking forever, ugh. Alexei is all smug because he’s been doing his as he goes along. I told him I’d eaten all the salt chocolate and that wiped the smirk off his face. Is Annis back at work yet? Dreaming of Hugo Chavez would actually be a welcome break for me, all I see when I shut my eyes is native Russian fauna…

I dream of you too, and it always sucks when I wake up and you’re not in bed beside me. Missing you lots,

Mithian xxx

 

 

Morgana waited until the coast was clear before ducking out of her office and heading to the kitchen. It wasn’t that she was avoiding Gwen. Not at all. She simply didn’t quite know when she’d be free for their next date, so she was waiting to be sure. There was no point approaching Gwen until she had a definite time and place sorted in her head.

This week was very busy, of course. Perhaps the week after would be best…

She saw Mordred heading towards the stairs and narrowed her eyes. Not that there was anything wrong with the man, she quite liked him on a personal level. But he was inadvertently the reason her brother had been so down recently, so she was against him on principle.

Then again, Arthur was being _so_ ridiculous. It was patently obvious to anyone with eyes that he had the hots for Merlin, but he hadn’t done anything about it. Mordred was perfectly within his rights to flirt with Merlin, and Merlin was perfectly within his rights to flirt back.

But she was Arthur’s sister and she loved him and seeing his face crumple as he watched Mordred stroke Merlin’s arm had been more than she could bear.

As if summoned by her thoughts, Arthur was the first thing she saw when she pushed open the kitchen door. He was sat on one of the threadbare sofas, staring into space with a stack of paper on his lap.

“Essay marking going well, then?” she said, dropping down next to him.

He blinked a couple of times and then gave her a tired smile.

“One of my students has put forward the argument that the white whale in Moby Dick represents Melville’s fear of getting fat.”

“Points for originality?”

“Yes, and then massive deductions for clearly having read no more than 3 pages of the book.”

“You should show Merlin,” she said, watching his face. “He was having a good laugh over a student who thought Toni Morrison was a man the other day.”

As expected, Arthur’s eyelid flickered the tiniest bit on the word Merlin. One would have to know Arthur very well to notice, and Morgana was perhaps the only person in the world who did. She also knew that drawing him out of himself required a certain amount of deftness and patience, and that it was a song and dance she wholly couldn’t be bothered with today.

“Just ask him out.”

Arthur startled slightly and then his face took on a familiar long-suffering expression.

“I don’t remember ordering the Meddling Special,” he said, turning his page over. Morgana rolled her eyes and spelled the essay shut with a flick of her hand.

“It comes free with the salad,” she said ruthlessly. “You obviously like him, to the point where you can barely speak a word in his presence, so what’s holding you back?”

Arthur held up one finger.

“If I did like him – and I’m not saying I do – you said it yourself before. It’s a nightmare to date someone you work with. Rule number one.”

“Yeah well, rules are made to be broken,” Morgana said, an image of Gwen flashing up in her mind’s eye. “Most people meet their life partners at work anyway, everyone’s at it.”

“Not me,” Arthur said, turning back to his marking.

“Oh, why not?”

“He doesn’t even like me, Morgana,” Arthur said and it was the quiet firmness of his tone that took her by surprise. She hadn’t heard him sound like that since she’d tried to call Uther to see if he was running late to Arthur’s graduation and Arthur had told her he wasn’t coming in that same resigned tone, like he had never expected any better.

Arthur was vulnerable in unexpected ways, Morgana knew this. Slow to trust and quick to feel betrayed. And oh so anxious underneath, that what he had to offer wasn’t enough. In her more reflective moments, she could concede they had that in common. But she’d rather bulldozer the world than confess she was feeling insecure, while Arthur would rather hide himself away.

Uther had done a number on them both, that was for sure. But she’d been trying hard these past few years to be less guarded, to let herself be happy. All she wanted was for Arthur to do the same.

“Why wouldn’t he like you?” she said gently. “You’re smart and interesting. Not hideous in the looks department. And you’re a good per-”

“Can we not do this?” Arthur interrupted and he sounded exhausted. “I’m- I’m not going to ask Merlin out. I’m just not.”

“But I think he likes you,” Morgana said and was aware how pitiful it sounded. It was true, for all it was worth; she’d seen Merlin looking at Arthur when he thought no one could see, and it was more than coincidence how often he mentioned Arthur’s name in conversation to her.

“Trust me, he doesn’t,” Arthur said, closing his folder and standing up.

“Arthur-”

“I’ve got class. I’ll see you later, yeah?”

And with a quick squeeze on her arm, he was gone.

 

~~~~

 

Morgana was distracted all day after that, musing on how best to help her stubborn brother. She decided to bring it up with Elena that night over dinner.

“And it’s so frustrating, because he covers it all up with bluster but he’s so soft underneath! Like he’s just looking for someone to love but he’s so clueless at it and he can’t even see that he’s in his own way.”

Elena quirked an eyebrow at her.

“Remind you of anyone?”

“Oh. I guess Lance is soft, but he doesn’t really cover it up-”

“I’m talking about you, Morgs! I can’t believe we’re sat here dissecting Arthur’s romantic failures when you can’t even ask Gwen out on a second date.”

Morgana glared.

“What did I say about matchmaking?”

“Yeah yeah, pain of death, sleep with one eye open etc. Mith gave me the same lecture – although hers was much less violent than yours – but I’m not gonna sit here and listen to this without pointing out the obvious.”

“We’re talking about Arthur,” Morgana said sulkily.

“Yeah and if he was here now I’d tell him the same thing I’m about to tell you: take a leap of faith!”

“I did take a leap of faith! I took her out once!”

“And by all accounts you had a lovely time but now she tells me you’re dodging her calls and insisting you’re too busy to meet up.”

“I said we could meet next week. I am too busy!”

“We’re about to watch Mean Girls for what must be the fourteenth time, and I’m not saying I don’t love flatmate bonding nights, but I wouldn’t have been offended if you’d sat this one out for Gwen.”

“Ugh, you don’t get it,” Morgana said, standing to take her plate to the sink.

“I literally don’t, no, so explain.”

“I… I…”

The words stuck in Morgana’s throat. Embarrassment didn’t come naturally to her but there were some things even she balked at saying out loud. And yet she really did need advice…

There was only one thing for it.

“Okay,” Morgana said, magicking the bottle of rum down from above the fridge. “Put the film on. Drink heavily with me. Then we’ll talk.”

Elena looked vaguely sceptical, then she shook her head and laughed.

“Alright fuck it, I’ve only got the first years tomorrow and they’ll all be hungover themselves.”

Two hours and six rum and cokes later and they were both giggling helplessly on the sofa as they remembered the time Lance had got so drunk at the office party that he’d slept in the Dean’s office and had to sneak out at 5am with no shoes and half the sleeve ripped off his shirt.

“And then she sent round that email about inappropriate behaviour!” Morgana said, breathless with laughter. “And Lance was talking to her in the staffroom about it the next day, like, ‘oh isn’t it terrible how people behave?’”

“Oh God,” Elena said, wiping tears from her eyes. “And then his shoes turned up in the library and he couldn’t even claim them without giving himself away.”

“Man, I hope the Christmas party is as eventful this year.”

Elena waggled her eyebrows.

“Maybe you and Gwen could get up to something ‘inappropriate’, eh?”

“We haven’t even got up to anything appropriate yet,” Morgana said mournfully and Elena reached over to top up her glass.

“Alright, silly bear, I think we’re drunk enough to talk this out.”

“I really like her,” Morgana said earnestly. “Ellie, I really really like her.”

“I know you do, love, so what’s the problem?”

“I’ve… I’m…”

Morgana downed the rest of her drink and took a deep breath.

“Here goes. Okay. So obviously I’m bisexual.”

“Yeah.”

“And made my career in Queer Studies. And taught classes in queer culture and stuff for ages. And listened to lesbian punk and gone to see every LGBT play or film going and all that.”

“Yeah.”

“But I haven’t. Actually. Dated a woman. Or… had sex with one.”

Morgana studied the pattern on the blanket across her lap with great interest.

“Oh Morgs,” said Elena and she sounded halfway between amused and sympathetic. “Is that what you’ve been worrying about?”

“Don’t tell me it’s nothing. It’s not nothing,” Morgana said, picking at a loose thread. Elena shifted along the couch until she was snuggled into Morgana’s side, chin resting on her shoulder.

“It’s not nothing but it’s not something either, not in the way you think. It’s not something to be embarrassed about or ashamed of.”

“It’s easy for you!” Morgana said, poking Elena’s face. “You’re a big old gold star lesbian. Gold star for youuu.”

“Yeah but Mith’s bi and that made no difference to us.”

“She dated Sefa before you though,” Morgana said gloomily. “Got all her akw- aka- _awkward_ fumblings out the way.”

“Okay, no more rum for you,” Elena said, pulling the bottle away as Morgana whined. “And look, there were plenty of awkward fumblings, because that’s what new relationships are like! Gay, bi, straight – first time sex is always about finding each other’s rhythm.”

“Gwen’s a gold star,” Morgana mumbled. “Probably never even seen a penii.”

“Firstly, this gold star shit means nothing. Secondly, please don’t say penii. Thirdly, do you really think Gwen cares about how many women you’ve dated before?”

“She’s gonna notice I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Oh my God,” Elena said, and her tone was exasperated but she cuddled Morgana a little closer. “The Pendragon curse rears its ugly head. Do you understand you don’t have to be perfect at everything from the get go?”

“I want to be perfect for Gwen,” Morgana said miserably, unsuccessfully attempting to levitate the bottle of rum back over. “She could have her pick of women. What if I make some awful sexual mistake and she realises that I’m a big queer fraud?”

“You’re not a fraud,” Elena said firmly, batting the rum back down to the floor. “And there’s no great mistake you could make, unless you go looking for her prostate gland. Which, like, you won’t find it but she might enjoy the journey.”

“Ellie!”

“Oh, enough with the prudery. If I can’t get you out of perfectionist hell, at least I can answer a few questions about girl on girl sex.”

She had a point. Morgana peeked out from the blanket she’d hidden her face under.

“I don’t know what to ask.”

“Well, are you comfortable with fingering?”

“Ellie!”

“Morgana! What do you want me to call it, digital stimulation?”

“God, you’re so embarrassing. I… yeah, I guess I’m okay with that. ‘Cos, it’s just like, what I do to myself?”

Morgana found herself blushing horribly. She’d had much more explicit conversations with her class about queer lit sex scenes, but it had been easier to be frank and forthright when it hadn’t been her sex life in question.

“Yes, exactly. What about – God, what’s the fancy term? – cunnilingus?”

Morgana hid her face again.

“No. I don’t know. Blowjobs are easy! And you can tell when they’re enjoying it, cos the evidence is kind of right in front of you.”

“Well, you can tell when a girl’s enjoying it too!” Elena said. “The noises she makes, for example-”

“But women are better actors than men! The number of fake pleasure noises I’ve made when some dude’s going down on me-”

“Okay, well she’s gonna get wetter too! And if she’s anything like Mith she’s gonna be squirming up a storm-”

“Oh my God-”

“Oops, forget you heard that, might have had a bit too much rum myself. Listen, the best tip I have for you is that enthusiasm is key. Get stuck in, be responsive to what she’s saying to you. There’s plenty of little tricks you can try out – drawing patterns with your tongue, for example. Focus your energy on the clit, that probably goes without saying. Some girls like it if you take a break every now and then to blow on their clit-”

“I feel like I should be taking notes.”

“Oh, fuck notes!”

Elena suddenly sat up straight, nearly tipping Morgana off the couch.

“This is ridiculous. I should be giving you the same advice I’d give if Arthur asked me about bedding Merlin, or Gwaine wanted to know how to please evil Kara. You have to _communicate_. Ask them what they like, ask them what they don’t, go slow at the beginning, and listen to what their body says! All sex is the same, Morgs. There’s not a special rulebook for sex with women. You and Gwen just have to work it out together.”

Morgana huffed a sigh.

“I know. I know we do. I’m just… scared.”

Elena wrapped her arm around Morgana.

“New relationships are scary,” she said gently. “Have you thought about just telling Gwen all of this?”

“That sounds like the mature, responsible thing to do. So of course I haven’t.”

Elena leaned over the couch and fished Morgana’s phone out of her bag.

“Text her now. Arrange a date. Be brave.”

Morgana bit her lip and tapped out the message. Her finger hovered over the send button.

“Can we scheme about Arthur and Merlin after?”

“I’ll add them to the Elena Gawant matchmaking service. They won’t know what’s hit ‘em.”

Elena smiled encouragingly.

“Here goes nothing,” Morgana said, and hit send.

 

 

 

[ ](https://i.imgur.com/jU0pkD6)

 

 

 

Dearest Mith,

Okay okay, GOSSIP TIME. But this is top secret, so no writing about it to anyone else! I saw Gwaine last night and we had quite a few (it was a Saturday!) and eventually I asked him if he knew what Arthur’s deal was. And it turns out we only had half the story all along, because Arthur and Merlin TOTALLY SLEPT TOGETHER THREE MONTHS AGO. The same night we first saw Merlin in that bar!! Apparently after we’d all gone Gwaine introduced them, and one thing led to another… Ew, I’ve just realised I made that sound like Gwaine was involved too. He wishes. So yeah anyway they went home together and then the next morning had some stupid fight and Merlin stormed out and they didn’t see each other again until term started. So the awkward tension makes perfect sense now!! Jeez. The dumb thing is, Arthur’s been such a big pining martyr that he hasn’t noticed Merlin’s totally longing for him too. I mean I’m barely in that department but every time I come up I can see them making moony eyes at each other.

You’ll be pleased to hear that I’m doing my best to stay out of it, even though it’s killing me. I did gently hint to Arthur that the Christmas office party’s coming up, and parties are a good time to give in to temptation, wink wink. Not sure he got it though. Good news is Mordred’s off the scene, he’s hooking up with that hot barista in the campus Costa, the one that’s built like a man mountain. No idea if he got bored of waiting for Merlin or if Morgana went and threatened to cut off his balls or something. As usual she’s pretending to not give a shit about Arthur’s love life, whilst simultaneously acting like the most protective mama bear in the world.

As for Morgana and Gwen, I promised not to break Morgana’s confidence but I can confirm they’re going on another date this week! (She’ll fill you in on the rest herself I’m sure, but it’s definitely an in person and not a letter conversation) I swear to God, my head’s spinning with all this drama though. I had to go hang out with Lance on my last few lunch breaks just to get some peace. He’s working on a bird scrapbook by the way, which is exactly as adorable as it sounds.

I finally sent your package this week (don’t worry, it has both Yorkshire Tea and Dairy Milk inside) but God knows when it’ll arrive. Morgana said one of her friends from her spells group could send it by magical post but I think it was the same guy who accidentally cursed his own toaster so I gave it a miss.

Not gonna lie, it’s kind of rubbish getting ready for Christmas and knowing you won’t be here with me. But I love that you’re out there doing awesome important research and I’m so proud of my wonderful clever girlfriend.

Write back soon,

Elena

 

 

Morgana was nervous. Her rescheduled date with Gwen was in less than five hours and she didn’t feel ready. Elena had been right with everything she said and Morgana knew deep down that Gwen wasn’t the type to judge. But she still hated being on the back foot like this.

It was too early to start getting dressed so Morgana mooched around the flat a bit. When the doorbell rang at 3, she assumed Elena had forgotten her keys again.

But it was Arthur standing on the other side of the door, a brown paper bag in hand.

“I brought cronuts,” he said, which was explanation enough as far as Morgana was concerned.

She hustled him into the kitchen and put the kettle on.

“Are you here for advice about Merlin?” she said sympathetically and he looked pained.

“No! God, that’s exactly not why I’m here. It’s come to my attention recently that there are some things going on in your life that might warrant a friendly ear, and I’ve been woefully lacking in that area.”

“In English, please,” Morgana said, because she’d only had one cup of coffee that day and her Arthur translator was on the blink.

“You’re dating Gwen,” Arthur said bluntly. “And I was too wrapped up in my own stuff to even notice.”

“Who told you?” Morgana said, because it hadn’t exactly been a secret but she and Gwen had agreed to keep it low-key for a while.

“I may have wangled it out of Elena during our last Netflix session.”

“That girl is the definition of loose lips sink ships,” Morgana said, but she couldn’t find it in herself to be irritated.

“She’d be terrible in wartime, but wouldn’t we all?”

“Speak for yourself, I think I’d make an excellent Colonel.”

“You’d love to have people saluting you, that’s for sure.”

Morgana filled the teapot and brought it over to the table.

“Did you really come over here because you felt guilty?”

“Is that such a surprise? The Pendragon lineage runs on guilt, repression and just a sprinkling of pig-headedness.”

“Ah, the family legacy.”

Morgana magicked the milk jug over and squeezed Arthur’s hand.

“Don’t be guilty. I’ve mainly just been freaking out and getting sex ed from Elena.”

“Do I want to know?”

“I think you live a fairly vagina free existence, so it may not be very relevant to you. Well actually, Ellie went off on a big impassioned speech in the end about how all sex was the same regardless so I suppose there are transferable skills. It was quite stirring really, I nearly applauded.”

Arthur gave her A Look.

“Do I take that to mean that things with you and Gwen aren’t all smooth sailing?”

“Give me a cronut. And they weren’t. But they might be now. I’ll see tonight.”

Arthur pushed one towards her and picked another out the bag for himself.

“What’s tonight?”

“Our second date.”

“And the first one was…”

Morgana looked at her brother’s face and he looked as tired as he had all month, as he had all term in fact. All was clearly not well with him and yet here he was, trying to lend an ear. It made her feel unexpectedly warm inside.

“I panicked,” she said honestly. “Because I’ve never been with a woman before and I didn’t want to get it wrong. So I pretended to be ill and went home and then avoided her like a coward after.”

Arthur smiled at that, wryly.

“As someone who’s been avoiding Merlin for a whole term, I can’t really give you stick for that.”

“A-ha, I knew you liked him!”

“Shush, we’re still on you. But you must have stopped avoiding her, if you’re going out tonight?”

“Yeah. Elena made me realise I was being stupid. I’m gonna try and tell Gwen the truth tonight. And if she doesn’t like it, well…”

“She will. She loves you, Morgana. Maybe it was just as a friend before, but that kind of love doesn’t go away. She’d never reject you for that.”

He gave her another look.

“Or make fun of you.”

Godamnit, he knew her too well.

“I’m pathetic,” she said. “Why is that my biggest fear?”

“Why is it mine?” Arthur said, and his eyes were suddenly bright. “I was so scared that Merlin would find out what a putz I am at relationships that I chased him away.”

“Oh, Arthur.”

Morgana set the teapot to pouring itself with a flick of her hand.

“Dad didn’t exactly give us the best example,” she said at last. “He was pretty set on the idea that showing any kind of weakness would only earn you ridicule and contempt.”

Arthur gave her a sad smile.

“For two people who swore they’d never end up like him, we’ve done a pretty good job of sabotaging ourselves royally.”

“Agreed,” Morgana said glumly. “I think that- shit!”

She’d forgotten to end the pouring spell and the teapot was now merrily tipping its contents into her fancy potpourri bowl.

“Honestly, I think it smells better now,” Arthur said and she swatted at him.

“Some hope of fixing our relationships when we can’t even make a cup of tea between us.”

“Then again,” Arthur said, taking a strainer from her cupboard and draining the potpourri over the sink. “We can give it a go.”

Catching his drift, Morgana sipped the excess tea from the two mugs in front of her and added a dash of milk.

“There. Slightly strong tea with slightly damp potpourri. Not perfect but-”

“We can make do,” Arthur finished and they both smiled at each other.

“Elena said trying to be perfect was the Pendragon curse,” Morgana said.

“Irritatingly wise, that girl, when she’s not tripping over her own feet.”

Arthur was looking pensive and Morgana suspected their thoughts were running along the same lines.

“I’ll settle for imperfect if you will,” she offered.

He nodded slowly.

“Let’s drink to that. Or rather, let’s eat the rest of this cronut to that.”

By the time the last crumbs were gone and the last tea supped, they both had the makings of a plan.

“By the office party, Arthur,” Morgana warned. “This has gone on long enough.”

“Yes, yes, I promise. Now are you ready for tonight?”

“As I’ll ever be. Wait, no, I need to buy flowers!”

“I’ll walk you out.”

They parted ways on the doorstep, sharing a tight hug.

“Thanks for coming round, little bro.”

“Anytime, big sis. Text me tomorrow, yeah?”

If it wasn’t her imagination, he looked a little less tired than he had before. Morgana smiled to herself and then turned left towards the flower stall, already wondering what Gwen would like best.

 

It was with a bunch of freesia that Morgana stood outside Gwen’s flat later on, nervously smelling the blooms. Gwen had invited her round for dinner and Morgana was glad they wouldn’t be meeting in a public place, she wanted some privacy for the things she had to say.

If Gwen was unhappy about the radio silence after their last date she didn’t show it; welcoming Morgana in with a kiss on the cheek and fussing over the flowers. Dinner conversation went smoothly too, although Morgana was mainly distracted by the delicious moussaka Gwen had made.

It wasn’t until they were back on the couch in the living room, the fateful scene of Morgana’s last visit, that she bit the bullet. Gwen moved in for a kiss and Morgana reciprocated for a few moments before drawing back.

“Wait… listen. I need to. Um, I need to tell you something.”

“You don’t wanna go out anymore,” Gwen said, her face falling.

“What? No! Why would you even think that?”

“I don’t know,” Gwen said, biting her lip. “You didn’t get back to me for ages about tonight and I just thought maybe…”

“I’m sorry about that,” Morgana said quickly. “I had a reason, but it’s not the one you think.”

Gwen sighed.

“Morgana, I understand if this is… too weird. We’ve been friends for years, I know that doesn’t always transition well into something more.”

Morgana grabbed Gwen’s hand.

“I can honestly say that it feels completely natural to me,” she said, making sure to look in Gwen’s eyes. “I do need to tell you something, but it’s not that I regret starting this with you, no way.”

“You’re sure?”

“Never been surer,” Morgana said, pressing a chaste little kiss to Gwen’s lips.

“Okay. Alright. Phew! Sorry for freaking out.”

“You wouldn’t be the only one,” Morgana said drily and Gwen’s face took on a look of concern.

“What’s going on?”

“This is… embarrassing.”

Morgana wished she had her blanket to hide behind again but there was nothing for it.

“I- I didn’t feel sick the other night. I left because… this is my first relationship with a woman. I’ve only been with men before. Romantically and- and sexually. And I guess I got scared. That I might get it all wrong.”

She cleared her throat.

“So that’s… yeah. Bit pathetic.”

“Morgana.”

Gwen’s tone was full of warmth, as was the hand patting her knee.

“Thank you for telling me. But I can assure you right now, you won’t be getting anything wrong. There is no wrong as far as I’m concerned and I-”

She suddenly bounced up onto her knees, letting out a little laugh.

“I wouldn’t care if you’d never so much as hugged a girl before! Or if you’d slept with five thousand. I just want you. I WANT YOU!”

She shouted the last part loud enough to echo round the room and Morgana shushed her, half scandalised and half thrilled.

“The neighbours-”

“Sod the neighbours! Morgana Pendragon, you’ve been my best friend for five years and now you’re my girlfriend and the only thing wrong you could do is not kiss me right now.”

Gwen’s smile was infectious and Morgana felt all the anxiety she’d been carrying just melt away. It might come back later, she was all too aware of that. But she was here now and Gwen was here too and nothing could ruin that.

So she surged forward and kissed Gwen with everything she had, putting all of her love and her hope and her excitement into it.

They kissed for so long that Morgana felt dizzy with it, kissed until she felt drunk enough with lust to say:

“Can I spend the night?”

“Of course,” Gwen said. “But we’re just going to sleep.”

“You don’t have to-”

“I know. But I want to. I want to take things slow with you,” Gwen said, raising Morgana’s hand to kiss it. “As far as I’m concerned, we have all the time in the world.”

The aroused part of Morgana was disappointed but the rest of her was grateful, so very grateful to have found someone like Gwen. Someone who liked her for who she was, imperfections and all.

And after they’d brushed their teeth together, giggling like two teens at a sleepover; after they’d slid into Gwen’s double bed and curled up close, kissing and talking quietly into the wee hours of the morning; after Gwen had finally drifted off and Morgana had wrapped one arm around her and shut her own eyes – she reflected that it wasn’t so different being with a woman after all. The only difference was in how much more she felt for Gwen than for any person she’d been with before.

And that, she didn’t mind at all.

 

 

 

[ ](https://imgur.com/PiJkNGO)

 

 

 

Dearest Ellie,

Your last letter was so scandalous! I literally gasped out loud and Alexei got all nosy and kept trying to read over my shoulder. Honestly, I think the most insane part of it all is that Gwaine actually kept a secret for that long. He deserves some kind of medal.

Kudos for staying out of it, because honestly even I’m tempted to hop on a plane to England and bang their heads together. I bet Morgana gets sick of it before we do and just locks them in a cupboard or something. Speaking of Morgana, I got a very long and immensely satisfying letter about her latest date with gentle Gwen! She was surprisingly candid about being all anxious before, I feel like everyone’s taken a level in emotional literacy while I’ve been away. (Except Gwaine obviously, who sent me a postcard with an extremely dirty picture on the front and now the village postman won’t look me in the eye)

I’m missing you too now that we’re so near Christmas. I mean, I’m always missing you, but there’s something about putting decorations up without you that makes me feel a bit weepy. Not to mention Alexei keeps playing these ultra-depressing ‘Russian carols’, the lyrics to which seem to roughly translate as ‘my love left me at Christmas time so I ate too much borscht and drowned myself in the river’. I raised this with Alexei but he pointed out that I’d been playing Blue Christmas on repeat in my bedroom so I didn’t really have a leg to stand on.

But yeah, it’s rubbish. I’m not gonna pretend it’s not rubbish. I know we were prepared for this long distance thing to be crap sometimes but it is feeling especially crap at the moment. I hope you’re being distracted by your students and the various romantic shenanigans going on around you. I realise this letter took a depressing turn so I’ll just say enjoy the office party! Have fun, save up any gossip for me, and get as merry as you can, love.

Mithian xxx

 

 

The first snow of the winter fell on the day of the office party. It was only a few fat flakes, melting away as soon as they touched the ground, but Arthur let his students rush to the windows and chatter anyway. It was the last class of term and they’d done a good job ploughing through The Golden Bowl (or ploughing through the online Cliff Notes, in some cases). He wished them all a merry festive season and advised them to read something they enjoyed over the holiday, whether it was a Batman comic or a bargain bin true crime.

“What about Fifty Shades of Grey, Arthur?” one of his cheekier students asked.

“As long as you never bring it up in class,” Arthur said, and then made a shooing gesture. “Go on, get out of here. Go play in the snow.”

They trooped out, chorusing ‘happy Christmas’, and then his holiday had officially begun. Well, he had essays to mark and he needed to polish up that article on Harriet E. Wilson for submission, but he was looking forward to some quality time alone with his books too.

Of course, there was the office party to get through first. Arthur couldn’t help thinking of it as the final barrier to face before he could go home and relax. It was time to do what he should have done four months previous and get a little closure.

He’d planned to make a beeline for Merlin, to get it over with straight away, but he was cornered by a number of colleagues for small talk the moment he set foot in the door. He listened patiently to Mordred’s excitement about his new boyfriend Percy, he nodded seriously along to Kilgharrah’s insane proposal to introduce eight hour final exams, and he found himself called upon to settle the argument as to who was the better satirist, Mark Twain or Oscar Wilde.

“Tough call,” said a voice at his ear, and he turned to see Merlin stood there, looking gorgeous as ever in a waistcoat and white shirt, with a snowflake patterned bowtie round his neck.

“It’s actually secret third option Dorothy Parker, but don’t tell them that,” Arthur said, too taken aback to be awkward.

“I’ll drink to that,” Merlin said, mock saluting.

“Mulled wine?” Arthur said, nodding to the glass in Merlin’s hand.

“Yeah, I was meant to not be drinking but that went out the window. Brought my bike with me and everything, I guess I’ll have to walk it home.”

“Ah, right, yeah.”

Oh, there was the awkwardness again, right on cue. Arthur racked his brains for a follow up question.

“What, er, what type of bike do you ride?”

“A yellow one,” Merlin said promptly.

“Oh no, I meant like… is it a mountain bike or-”

What the hell was he saying? It couldn’t be this hard to make conversation. He imagined the trio of Twain, Wilde and Parker looking down disapprovingly from the afterlife at his feeble efforts.

“Are you into bikes?” Merlin asked.

“Oh yeah, totally. Yeah, you know, I had one when I was little and then later my friend had one, you know, and I really approve of bike lanes and er…”

Perhaps it was the two mulled wines he’d already sunk but Arthur was gripped by a sudden urge to tell the truth.

“God, no. I’m not. I don’t know the first thing about bikes. I just couldn’t think of anything to say.”

Merlin regarded him for a second and then, thank all the heavens, he broke into a grin.

“Am I that difficult to chat to?”

His tone was teasing but Arthur was still hasty to reassure him otherwise.

“No! Not at all. It’s just me. I’m… I’m no good at this.”

“Talking?” Merlin said.

“Talking to you,” Arthur replied, because why not lay it all on the line?

An odd expression came across Merlin’s face.

“Arthur…”

He exhaled softly.

“I know it’s been a bit awkward…”

“No, wait,” Arthur said, because he made a promise to Gwaine, and then to Morgana, and last of all to himself, and it was time to keep it. “I’ve been meaning to apologise. I was a jerk for no reason that morning. I’m sorry I didn’t clear the air sooner.”

Merlin looked completely taken aback, but not in a bad way.

“That’s… I didn’t expect you to say that.”

“Well, I know it’s overdue,” Arthur said humbly and Merlin’s face creased with something that looked like guilt.

“You weren’t the only one at fault, Arthur. I shouldn’t have been making fun of your books, that was rude of me-”

“No, you were joking, I’m the one who overreacted-”

“But I overreacted too, storming off like that-”

They both broke off, and smiled at each other.

“Well. I always did want to make a big exit by slamming a door,” Merlin said.

“The whole thing was very dramatic,” Arthur said, finding himself grinning at the memory for the first time.

“I can’t believe we fought over books!” Merlin said, half laughing half cringing. “My mate Will pissed himself when I told him. He was merciless for weeks.”

“It was a bit nineteenth century of us. I suppose I’m lucky you didn’t challenge me to a duel.”

“Good thing I left my gauntlets at home that day,” Merlin said with a wink.

“Yeah, good thing.”

There was a little silence but it wasn’t awkward this time. Then Merlin raised his drink.

“To being friends again? Well, I guess we weren’t friends before but-”

“Friends,” Arthur said firmly, and clinked their glasses together.

 “So, what are your plans for Christmas?”

“Reading, mainly, as sad as it sounds,” Arthur said.

“Are you kidding? That sounds ideal. Will gave me the latest Mary Beard as an early Christmas present; I can’t wait to get stuck in.”

“Are you staying round here?”

“Yeah. I usually go to my mum’s but she’s on a Caribbean cruise with my uncle this year. Will’s here till the 23rd so we’ll hang out till then at least. What about you?”

“I’ll be here. I used to go to my dad’s but he died a few years ago, so-”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Merlin said sincerely.

“No, it’s fine, I was just going to say that Morgana hosts me for Christmas now and she kind of has an open door for anyone else who’s around too. Lance is gonna be there, and Elena too since her girlfriend can’t make it home for the holiday.”

“Ah, yeah, she was telling me about the whole long distance thing.”

Merlin winced in sympathy.

“It sounds tough. Not sure I could do it.”

“I think it has been,” Arthur said, thinking of the weekend before when they’d all descended on Elena and dragged her out ice skating. She’d been quieter recently, not her usual cheerful self, and Arthur knew she wasn’t relishing the prospect of her first Christmas without Mithian in six years.

“Still, it’s really nice that you’ll all be together.”

“If Morgana doesn’t burn the turkey again. Actually, who am I kidding, that’s as much of an annual tradition as the Queen’s Speech.”

“I knew you’d be one of those people who watched the Queen’s Speech!” Merlin said, eyes crinkling.

“I usually get outvoted! What is so wrong with wanting to hear what dear old Liz has to say, I ask you?”

“I’m a staunch Republican so you’re talking to the wrong guy.”

“Ah, you’d fit in well round Morgana’s then,” Arthur said cheerfully, and then stopped short. “Actually. I mean, you’d be very welcome if you did want to come. Like I said, it’s an open door and…”

He trailed off, not sure if he was pushing it a bit. They were only just back on friendly footing after all…

But Merlin was smiling at him, dimples showing.

“That would be great, if there’s room for me.”

“Of course,” Arthur said, a warm feeling spreading in his stomach. “We’d love to have you.”

They carried on chatting for the next hour or so, until someone plugged their phone into the speakers and La Bamba blared out.

“Oh, it’s that time, is it?” Arthur said and Merlin grinned at him.

“You mean you’re not a big dancer?”

“Not by choice. But I give it about ten seconds until-”

“Arthur, get up,” Morgana demanded, swinging into view.

“Until I’m forced,” Arthur said, allowing his sister to pull him to his feet. “Come with me for moral support?”

“How could I say no?” Merlin said, and followed him over the makeshift dancefloor. Lance and Gwen were already doing some kind of improvised salsa together and Elena – who technically wasn’t in the department but always showed up at these parties anyway – was enthusiastically treading on Mordred’s foot as he tried to spin her round.

Arthur was terrible at dancing and he knew it, but he’d reached that happy stage of tipsy where it didn’t seem to matter. He let Morgana swing him round for a bit and then the song changed to Come On, Eileen and they all ended up in some kind of rowdy circle

Three songs later, and Arthur was just about to take a break when the opening bars of the Frank and Nancy Sinatra version of Something Stupid rang out. Arthur opened his mouth to say how creepy it was that a father and daughter recorded a love song together, but Morgana and Gwen were already slow dancing, wrapped up in each others arms. He turned to his left and Lance and Elena were similarly entangled. Elena was speaking and Lance was nodding seriously as he danced her around, and Arthur could bet that the topic of conversation was Mithian. He resolved to check in on Elena that weekend, maybe take her out Christmas shopping to keep her mind off things.

He stepped back, ready to exit the dancefloor and find another drink, when suddenly Merlin was in front of him.

“I find it profoundly weird that Frank Sinatra chose this as a duet with his daughter,” he said and Arthur was filled with a rush of affection and longing so strong that it took his breath away.

“Dance with me?” he asked, heart on the line.

A tiny smile tugged at the corner of Merlin’s lips.

“Why not?” he said, and held out his hand.

They were shy at first, hands at waist level, a little space between them. Then the second chorus kicked in, and somehow they seemed to move together as one, until they were holding each other close.

Arthur was looking right into Merlin’s eyes and it was so intense, so intimate, but neither of them were breaking their gaze. And then Merlin licked his lips, almost imperceptibly, and Arthur threw caution to the wind.

He leaned in and kissed Merlin, just a brief brush against his lips. Then he drew away, waiting for Merlin to make the next move.

“Do that again,” Merlin whispered and Arthur didn’t need asking twice.

Merlin tasted like all the spices of the mulled wine and his lips were as sweet as Arthur remembered. He snaked one hand up to run through Merlin's hair, wrapping the other round Merlin's waist to pull him closer. It was as good as it had been the night they first met, but there was none of the rush or urgency. It felt steadier, purer. The foundation for something more, or so Arthur hoped.

They kissed until the song ended, and then the familiar chords of Fairytale of New York began.

“I love this song,” Merlin murmured, tucking his face into Arthur’s neck. He fitted like he belonged there.

“Me too,” Arthur said, and pressed a soft kiss to Merlin’s hair. Then he shut his eyes and they swayed together, like there was no one in the room but them.

 

 

 

[ ](https://imgur.com/ohQGrl0)

 

 

 

Dearest Mith,

It’ll be a toss-up whether Morgana’s or my letter reaches you first (and I suspect hers might have a little magical help) but just in case I beat her: Arthur and Merlin totally hooked up! At the Christmas party, of all clichéd places, not that I disapprove. They’ve been sickeningly loved up ever since, I’m pretty sure Arthur’s obsessively curated holiday reading list has been left untouched so far as he’s too busy living in Merlin’s pocket. But it’s pretty great to see him so happy, I’m not gonna lie. Morgana and Gwen are also making headway in the most sickening couple contest though, they actually went apple picking the other day, for God’s sake. Who even knew that apples grew in December?? Anyway, lucky Lance and Gwaine are still single or I’d be feeling the lack of you even more than I usually do. Actually, I had to rescue Lance from Gwaine’s Christmas themed ‘lads night out’ yesterday, which involved going to the ice skating rink and literally waiting for women to fall into his arms. I think he’s faintly relieved that Gwaine’s heading back to Ireland tomorrow.

He’ll be back for the New Year’s party though! We’re hosting at our flat again, mainly because Gwen’s is too far away and Arthur’s is too full of books and I strongly suspect Gwaine actually just lives in a skip somewhere. I’m gonna try and put on a better show than I did at the office party, where I drank far too much and ended up bawling on Mordred’s shoulder about how much I missed you until he and his nice man-mountain boyfriend bundled me into a cab.

It’s fine though, because I’ve got my friends around me and I know you’re doing awesome things over there and

And actually, it’s not fine. I’m not fine. I want to see you. I miss you so much. God, I can’t believe how hard this is. And I’m not regretting it, no way, because this was the right thing for you and we couldn’t make any other choice but… Jesus. It’s so hard. I just want to hold you and kiss you and yes I want to have sex with you, so bad I can’t sleep sometimes, but mostly I just want to snuggle up with you in bed and tell you about my day and feel you playing with my hair again ~~and it hurts~~

I’m sorry, this is such a massive guilt trip and there’s nothing you can do and I probably won’t even send this letter. I don’t wish you hadn’t taken this opportunity. But I wish you could be here now somehow, even just for a day.

I love you so so so much,

Elena

 

 

“We’re out of Prosecco!”

“There’s more in the fridge, I’ll go,” Elena said. She breathed a small sigh of relief when she opened the door to the kitchen and no one was inside. It was a great party and all her favourite people in the world were here, but she needed a break.

Because her most favourite person in the world wasn’t here, and it was making her miserable.

She swore she wouldn’t spend the night crying again like the office party debacle, or even that rough patch on Christmas Day when Merlin had found her tearing up over a fallen toy soldier ornament.

“They’re Mithian’s favourites and he was all alone on the flo-o-or,” she’d bawled and Merlin had given her a hug and made her a cup of cocoa, rather than expressing disbelief that a woman of twenty nine was sobbing over a lump of wood.

They’d all been nice to her, these last few weeks, knowing how she was feeling in the run up to Christmas without Mith. She was lucky to have them and they’d made sure she never felt too alone, but they couldn’t quite fill the gap Mith had left. Morgana and Merlin had even spent a day working flat out to set up a magical Wi-Fi connection between her laptop and Mithian’s so they could Skype, but it had proved to be an impossible task. To have just seen Mith’s face or heard her voice would have eased the pain a little, but it wasn’t to be.

Her eye wandered to the table, where Boris the koala was sitting with a Santa hat perched on his head. The sight made her almost well up and she mentally slapped herself. She was being stupid. Mithian would be back in three months, it wasn’t so horribly long to wait. She knew it was just the festive season that had brought it all home to her; things would be better in January when she had work to concentrate on again.

But she had to get through New Year’s first. Grabbing a Prosecco, she headed back into the living room and began topping up the glasses. Gwaine was already long past merry, and attempting to demonstrate to Morgana how he could wiggle his ears.

“You’re just swishing your hair, Gwaine,” she complained as Elena passed by. Over in the other corner, Lance was showing Gwen pictures of the robin that had made a nest in his garden.

“I’ve been leaving out crumbs but I think the squirrels might be eating them,” he said worriedly and Gwen clucked her tongue sympathetically.

Elena stopped by Arthur and Merlin last. Merlin was sat in Arthur’s lap, idly tracing a pattern on his jumper and clearly surpassing even Gwaine in the tipsy stakes.

“Elena, look at this jumper! Isn’t it such a nice jumper?” he hiccupped.

The front of Arthur’s jumper was festooned with a fluffy penguin, skiing down a snowy hill in a Santa hat.

“I told him it’s not technically Christmas anymore, but he insisted I wear it,” Arthur said, holding his glass out to Elena.

“But it’s so nice,” Merlin said happily, patting the penguin’s head. “Isn’t it nice, Elena?”

“Very nice,” Elena said reassuringly and Arthur gave her a look of mock exasperation. He was fooling no-one; she could see the fondness in his eyes.

It made her feel lonely so she turned away, topping up her own glass and taking it to sit on the sofa. There were fireworks going off across the street and Lance and Gwen went outside for a better look. Elena wasn’t interested. All she could think was that it was already past midnight in Russia. She wondered if Mith was already in bed, or if she was up celebrating with Alexei and the other scientists. She hadn’t heard from her since before Christmas but she tried not to mind too much, the post was terrible at this time of year. Still, it would be nice if she’d known what Mith’s new year’s plans were so she could imagine what her girlfriend was doing right now…

Arthur’s ringtone blared out suddenly and he fumbled for this phone, getting to his feet and slipping into the kitchen.

“Who the hell’s calling Arthur at this time?” Elena wondered out loud.

“It’s Giles from Buffy and he wants his fashion sense back!” Merlin slurred out, before subsiding into giggles.

“You know he can’t hear you, mate,” Gwaine said, coming over to ruffle Merlin’s hair.

“Gwaine, did you see Arthur’s jumper?” Merlin said, squinting up at him. “It’s so nice!”

“Makes a change from all the tweed,” Gwaine said, and Merlin snorted hard enough to knock his glass off the sofa arm. Elena made a dive for it but Merlin caught it before it hit the floor, jerkily levitating it up.

“I'm doing magic!” he said excitedly and then promptly tipped the contents of the glass into his lap.

Arthur slipped back in, shrugging.

“Wrong number,” he said. "Merlin, is that Prosecco in your lap?" 

“No, he was just very pleased to see me," Gwaine said with a leer and Arthur threw a bauble at Gwaine's head. He was saved from retaliation by Gwen and Lance picking that moment to come back through the front door.

“It’s snowing again!” Lance said and everyone cooed.

“Oh and Ellie, there was a letter caught under your doormat,” Gwen said. “Postman must have dropped it.”

She handed it over and Elena’s stomach swooped as she saw the familiar handwriting.

“It’s from Mith!” she said.

“Did she send money?” Gwaine shouted and Morgana shushed him.

“Away, you vultures. Elena, come over here, get a bit of privacy.”

She shunted Elena into the corner of the room and then clapped her on the shoulder. Elena hardly noticed, she was too busy tearing the envelope open.

But when she drew the paper out, it was almost completely blank. Except for two tiny words in the corner, so small she could barely read them.

She brought the letter right up to her face and then frowned.

“‘Turn around.’ Turn around? What does that mean?”

And then she heard the front door open and close behind her and she froze.

“Oh my God,” she said softly, tears filling her eyes.

Then she turned around and Mithian was stood in front of her.

For a moment, she couldn’t speak. Then happiness welled up inside of her like the popping of a champagne cork and she let out a great shout of joy, before tackling Mith to the ground.

“Oof, easy, Ellie,” Mithian said, but she was smiling and crying too, freeing her arms from underneath Elena to pull her down for a kiss.

It was their first in over six months and Elena had never tasted anything sweeter. Mithian smelt like the outside, her skin was freezing, her hair was damp with snow, but Elena didn’t care at all. She kissed her until they were both out of breath and then she buried her nose in Mithian’s neck and inhaled her scent.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” she said and Mithian rolled them over so she was lying on top.

“I got your last letter and I just… I knew I had to get a flight. This is my dad's present to me for like the next eight Christmases but it was worth it.”

“I’m so glad,” Elena sniffled, pulling her closer.

She looked up to see her friends peering down at her, identical grins on their faces.

“You bastards,” she said, loving them all so much.

“Glad to be of service,” Arthur said. He and Lance leaned down and pulled them both to their feet.

Mithian did the round of hellos, Elena clinging to her hand the whole time. She couldn’t stop staring at her girlfriend’s face, memorising her features all over again. It was like a beautiful dream, she almost had to pinch herself to be sure it was real.

By the time the greetings were done, it was five to midnight. Morgana bossily passed round eight glasses of champagne (“Just what Merlin needs, more alcohol,” Arthur said) and made them all sit in a circle.

“Well, it’s been one to remember kids,” Gwaine said. “Two new couples among us, both of them owing their success to me-”

“You had nothing to do with us, Gwaine!” Gwen protested.

“Alright, fine, but I fixed Arthur and Merlin up good! If I hadn’t introduced them that night at the bar...”

“They literally would have met two weeks later on campus, Gwaine-”

“Look, the point is I’m great and you’re all lucky to have me,” Gwaine said shamelessly and everyone groaned.

“Ellie, would you oblige us with a proper new year’s toast?” Morgana said.

“Why me?”

“Why not?” she said and Elena couldn’t argue with that.

“Okay. Well. What to say. 2017’s been… eventful, on a global and a personal scale. We’ve suffered through Brexit and Trump, the economy’s still fucked, and half our best celebrities died-”

“Keep it light, Ellie!” Lance shouted.

“I was getting to a but! _But,_ despite all that, we’ve all stuck together. As Gwaine said, there’s two new couples among us. We’ve all been moving forward in our careers, slowly but surely. And we’ve all been there for each other when we’ve needed it most.”

Elena was blinking back tears again. She wasn’t normally this over-emotional, but it had been a hell of a night. She laughed a little and Mithian squeezed her hand.

“And now we’re seeing in 2018 together, the way it should be. I don’t know what kind of year it’s going to be but I do know I couldn’t ask for better friends than you lot. Whatever the New Year throws at us, I reckon we can take it. So, um, here’s to 2018!”

Her friends let out a hearty cheer.

“Well said, love,” Mithian said and Elena turned to capture her lips in a kiss.

“Oi, you’ll have a chance to kiss in a minute,” Morgana said. “It’s time for the countdown.”

She flicked the television on and an image of the London Eye surrounded by fireworks filled the screen.

“Ahh it’s started!”

They all turned to the screen and began to chant.

“Nine, eight, seven, six-”

Mithian nuzzled into Elena’s neck.

“I love you,” she said softly.

“Three, two, one! Happy New Year!”

“I love you too,” Elena said and then they were kissing like there was no tomorrow.

It was a good half minute before they resurfaced. Elena looked around to see Morgana and Gwen still going enthusiastically at it, whilst Merlin and Arthur were nose to nose and smiling at each other, and Gwaine was planting sloppy kisses all over Lance’s face.

“Someone get him off me!” Lance said but he was laughing and it wasn’t long before everyone joined in.

“Group hug!” Gwen shouted and they all made a kind of clumsy circle in the middle of the room, until Merlin overbalanced and brought everyone down with him.

“Cuddle pile!” Gwen called out, just as enthusiastically.

“I’m on the bottom here!” Arthur’s muffled voice said.

“I’m not gonna even touch that joke, too easy,” Morgana said and Gwen cackled.

“I think Merlin’s fallen asleep,” Lance said from somewhere over by Elena’s feet.

“So...” Gwaine said. “Orgy?”

“Oh my God!”

“You’re horrendous, Gwaine.”

“Someone take him home.”

“That’d be me,” Lance said, disentangling himself and getting to his feet. “Come on, idiot, we’ll share a cab.”

“Ooh, you can drop us off too,” Gwen said, neatly rolling to the side and standing up. “Come on, Morgs.”

“We can get a big one if you and Merlin want in, Arthur?” Morgana said. With what sounded like a monumental effort, Arthur managed to dislodge the bodies on top of him and crawl to freedom.

“Nah, we’re gonna walk it. Fresh air might sober this one up a bit.”

Arthur bent down to lift Merlin to his feet, who promptly swayed into Arthur’s side and gave his face a little poke.

“Pretty,” he said sleepily.

“Charmed, I’m sure. Come on, trouble, let’s get you home,” Arthur said, tucking Merlin under his arm.

“Will we see you tomorrow?” Elena said, hugging everyone as they pulled their coats on.

“Certainly not,” Lance said. “You two are going to have some quality alone time. We’ll see you on Tuesday.”

“I’ll keep Morgana out of your hair till then,” Gwen said with a wink. "Oh, and we left you some champagne and two of the fancy glasses in the other room."

“Thank you, guys," Elena said, brimming with affection for them all. "For everything."

“Bye! Bye! Love you all!” Mithian said, doling out kisses. “Can’t wait to catch up on Tuesday!”

With a flurry of goodbyes and a rowdy chorus of Auld Lang Syne, their friends departed.

“So,” Elena said, shutting the door. “Alone at last.”

“Miss Gawant, are you trying to seduce me?”

“Damn right I am,” Elena said, smacking a kiss to Mithian’s lips. “Although all that Prosecco might have made me a bit sloppy.”

“Drunken fumblings are a-ok by me,” Mithian said, running her hand through Elena’s hair. “I’m here for a week after all, we’ve got plenty of time to get it right.”

Elena drew back for a second and Mithian cocked her head.

“What?”

“Nothing, just. I can’t believe how much I love you.”

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder?”

“Quite possibly,” Elena said. “But promise after March you’ll never leave me again?”

Mithian smiled and took Elena by the hand.

“I promise.”

And she sealed it with a kiss.

 

 

[ ](https://imgur.com/4qfEBug)


End file.
